5.28.2004

Messenger of Hope

“May the God of hope fill you with joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” (Romans 15:13) God sent me this scripture the night I returned from our first training camp in New Jersey. It was Biblical confirmation for the Tour of Hope mission and my involvement with it. And much of this weekend revealed to me a new side of my relationship with God and a better understanding of Bennett’s short life and my life too.

The weekend was awesome. I feel so incredibly blessed to be associated with so many inspirational people. The Tour is so well organized, staffed, and supported. I really started to feel like when Bennett died, he told God, “please bless my mommy a lot.” So many wishes and dreams will be fulfilled with my involvement in the Tour of Hope.

Here is a short list of some of my dreams that will be fulfilled:

* God is using me to change the world.
* I will be able to spread the message that everyone needs to take responsibility for their own health and health decisions.
* I will be able to spread the message that cancer research is important and more people need to participate in clinical trials so better treatments and cures can be found.
* I will be part of the search for cures for cancer.
* I will get to share our story with people across the U.S. (never understood how this would happen, but I knew it would)
* I will get to ride supported across the United States (a longtime dream)
* I will meet Lance Armstrong
* I will get a brand new bike

And I have never felt closer to Bennett. His spirit is such a positive force in all that I do now. As we were waiting to start our first team ride, a flock of geese flew overhead. Bennett was with me all weekend! Words cannot explain how much alive he is within me and around me.

I now see that in order for Bennett’s spirit to have the impact it was supposed to on this world, it had to be freed from the shackles of his physical body. He had to die in order for a greater good >>more children saved, his mommy healed spiritually, many of you changed as our story was lived and told, etc…<<. Bennett is my hero. Without him I would never have completely understood Jesus.

I have never felt more full of HOPE in my life. It is so great to feel this way when things are going great. I am used to feeling close to God when my life is falling apart. I clung to God for help so many times through Bennett’s illness and death. This is the first time I have really felt intimate with God as things are going great. And my love for God has surpassed words and comprehension. I have been full circle. I am back on the mountain surrounded by light. I praise God for this!!!

When Bennett was dying, Pastor Dennis came to our house nearly every day. He would sit on the bed with us and talk. I shared with him that one of the hardest things for me to understand and accept about Bennett dying is that I did not understand how God would ever be able to use me. I told Pastor Dennis, “I really wanted to be a messenger of Hope for God. But I don’t see how I can do that if Bennett dies.” He told me that when the time was right, God would use me as a wounded healer. This weekend they called us “messengers of HOPE”. When I heard that, I was close to tears. God has truly shown me the very real, very great HOPE.

Scripture

"For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "Plans to prosper and not to harm you, plans for a hope and a future." -Jeremiah 29:11

(This scripture has been with me so long as part of this journey. I know I used it last week, but this is the scripture that God has given me.)

Quotation

“A dream is the bearer of a new possibility, the enlarged horizon, the great HOPE!”

-Howard Thurman

Prayer

Abba God, thank you for blessing me. Thank you for using me. Fill me with love, HOPE, and joy so I can radiate these to all I encounter. I am your instrument. I love you beyond comprehension! Amen

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