To the end of the World

John and I celebrated Bennett’s birthday by visiting World’s End State Park. World’s End State Park got its name because when people viewed the convergence of several mountains from a canyon vista it appeared that the world stopped at that point.

I will not try to tell you that the day was blissful. First of all we had a difficult time deciding how we would like to celebrate Bennett’s birthday. Lots of tears were shed. Birthdays for me are about memories and new beginnings. I have a lot of great memories. But all the new beginnings are not of a physical nature. I would have loved to see Bennett crawl, or walk, or talk, or run into my arms. These are new beginnings I will not have with Bennett.

On our hike up to Canyon Vista at World’s End State Park, little white butterflies fluttered around the trail, and pretty little pale violets, wild strawberry, and columbines lined the path. John and I reminiscenced about some of our most favorite things about Bennett. John remembered how Bennett would wake up and wave in our faces with his special little wave. I remembered Bennett scooting to the edge of a counter with a daredevil smile on his face so he could fall and be scooped up in the safety of my arms.

When we got to the top of the canyon to the overlook, we shouted to the end of the world, “We love you, Bennett!!!” There was a single swallowtail flying gracefully around the edge of the overlook. I cried and cried.

Deep in my heart I know that Bennett will always be a huge part of my life. He is the inspiration for all the best parts of my life now. If it were not for him, I would have never learned how to trust God. If I had not learned this, I would never have the love relationship that I have with God. I have memories, and I will have new beginnings with Bennett as long as I chose to. They just will not be of a physical nature. They will be of a nature that is even better than what is rational. They lead me to God.

On our way home from our day in nature together, John and I saw a rainbow. I believe it is a promise from God that our future will be bright, a new beginning to look forward to. Happy Birthday, Bennett!


"For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "Plans to prosper and not to harm you, plans for a hope and a future." -Jeremiah 29:11

A Poem

The Butterfly of Hope

The Grace of the butterfly
lifts my heart.
Is it practical?
No, but it is perfect;
perfect in God’s plan.
The Holy Spirit moves
through the wings of
the butterfly.
And the butterfly
brings HOPE to the most needy soul.

-E.S. (10.15.2004)

This was written a month before Bennett died. How did I know how important butterflies would be for MY most needy soul?


Father God, thank you for butterflies, and flowers, beautiful views, and little boys named Bennett! Thank you for HOPE. Thank you for bright new beginnings and the promise of your eternal love. I love you!!! Amen


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