To the end
of the World
John and I celebrated
Bennetts birthday by visiting Worlds End State Park.
Worlds End State Park got its name because when people viewed
the convergence of several mountains from a canyon vista it appeared
that the world stopped at that point.
I will not try
to tell you that the day was blissful. First of all we had a difficult
time deciding how we would like to celebrate Bennetts birthday.
Lots of tears were shed. Birthdays for me are about memories and
new beginnings. I have a lot of great memories. But all the new
beginnings are not of a physical nature. I would have loved to see
Bennett crawl, or walk, or talk, or run into my arms. These are
new beginnings I will not have with Bennett.
On our hike
up to Canyon Vista at Worlds End State Park, little white
butterflies fluttered around the trail, and pretty little pale violets,
wild strawberry, and columbines lined the path. John and I reminiscenced
about some of our most favorite things about Bennett. John remembered
how Bennett would wake up and wave in our faces with his special
little wave. I remembered Bennett scooting to the edge of a counter
with a daredevil smile on his face so he could fall and be scooped
up in the safety of my arms.
When we got
to the top of the canyon to the overlook, we shouted to the end
of the world, We love you, Bennett!!! There was a single
swallowtail flying gracefully around the edge of the overlook. I
cried and cried.
Deep in my heart
I know that Bennett will always be a huge part of my life. He is
the inspiration for all the best parts of my life now. If it were
not for him, I would have never learned how to trust God. If I had
not learned this, I would never have the love relationship that
I have with God. I have memories, and I will have new beginnings
with Bennett as long as I chose to. They just will not be of a physical
nature. They will be of a nature that is even better than what is
rational. They lead me to God.
On our way home
from our day in nature together, John and I saw a rainbow. I believe
it is a promise from God that our future will be bright, a new beginning
to look forward to. Happy Birthday, Bennett!
know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "Plans
to prosper and not to harm you, plans for a hope and a future."
The Grace of
it is perfect;
in Gods plan.
the wings of
HOPE to the most needy soul.
This was written
a month before Bennett died. How did I know how important butterflies
would be for MY most needy soul?
thank you for butterflies, and flowers, beautiful views, and little
boys named Bennett! Thank you for HOPE. Thank you for bright new
beginnings and the promise of your eternal love. I love you!!! Amen